On March 8th a little pink line changed everything. I was amazed that after two short months of trying we had conceived our first baby. I was overwhelmed with joy and excitement. It literally felt as if the world stood still in that moment.
I had dreamed of being a mom my entire life and couldn’t believe it was finally happening! It was a random Tuesday afternoon, and I sporadically decided to take a test thinking for sure it would be negative because I hadn’t felt any symptoms.
To my amazement it was positive! My husband was still working, and I was home alone because again, I thought it was going to be negative. I was overcome with joy, it was one of the most exciting moments of my life.
I so desperately wanted to wait until he got home to tell him in person, but I couldn’t contain myself and called him while he was still at work. He was thrilled too, we had both been dreaming of the day we would become parents.
We had planned to wait and share the news until after our first ultrasound, but we were too overcome with excitement and shared the news with our family early. From there, it seemed like more and more people found out.
We were so excited and everyone was so excited for us so it just felt right to share the news. As the first ultrasound approached, I found myself feeling both nervous and excited; as I am sure most soon-to-be moms are.
My husband and I were both counting down the days until we could finally see our little poppy seed. It felt like a lifetime from the time I found out I was pregnant until the time we could finally have an ultrasound.
On the day of the ultrasound, I found myself feeling extremely nervous, I text a friend about feeling exceptionally nervous, and she reassured me that it was normal.
When it came time for the ultrasound I remember feeling such excitement and also extreme nerves. As the ultrasound tech began the ultrasound, I could tell right away that things were not right.
I felt myself being overcome with worry and fear. She did not say a word, but her face said it all. I knew things were not as they should be. She informed us that I was not as far along in my pregnancy as the dates suggested I should’ve been. She said that this happens sometimes and that we should come back in two weeks to see if the pregnancy is progressing correctly.
I knew right away that my dates were not off and this led me to burst into tears. The ultrasound tech assured me that I should not worry and that there was still a decent chance that we would come back in a couple of weeks to a healthy baby.
Sharing the News
Since we shared the news early, most people we had told were anxiously waiting to hear our report from the ultrasound, so we spent the afternoon sharing the news.
Through talking with others we found out that a good friend and a family member had just gone through similar situations that both ended with a healthy baby. This gave us a lot of hope, and we set our minds on praying and believing the same would happen for us.
The next two weeks I spent every waking moment worrying (real talk), praying, and doing my best to believe for the best.
The Second Ultrasound
This again felt like the longest waiting game of our lives. When the time finally came to see if our pregnancy was progressing, we found out that it wasn’t and we would eventually miscarry.
This was heartbreaking. We had spent weeks praying and believing that God would turn our situation around and he didn’t. It hurt like a hurt I had never experienced before.
I watched my hopes and dreams of being a mom go out the window. The enemy immediately began to attack my thought life and filled my mind with things like “you will never carry a baby to term” “your body isn’t capable” “you’ll never be a mom”.
I was devastated. I knew that God could’ve fixed our situation and given us a healthy baby, and He didn’t. I felt abandoned and didn’t understand why he had given other people positive outcomes in this situation and not us.
I spent the next week feeling overcome with fear, worry, resentment, and disappointment. I wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world, and I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening right when I thought it needed to happen.
I was ignoring the fact that God tells me in scripture that He has a plan for my life and it is good. That HE will work everything out for my good and what the enemy intends for evil God will use for good.
We serve a good, good father who has an amazing plan for each and every one of us. Obstacles will come, but God will ultimately make everything work in our favor.
Through the weeks to follow God taught me four amazing truths.
1. He is The Ultimate Comforter
Although miscarriages are relatively common, it seemed like no one around me had experienced one. I felt like no one understood what I was going through. This forced me to really lean on God for comfort.
Through this I realized no one understands like He does, and He can comfort like no other. I discovered I was often looking to others for comfort when I should look to God instead.
God wants to comfort you through your pain. Turn to Him and the living Word. Pray that God will lead you to scriptures to comfort you during this time.
2. How to Truly Trust Him
When we found out the pregnancy was not going to make it to term I immediately wanted answers. I wanted to understand why it happened and how I could fix it for next time. Well, no one had that answer for me because it is just simply something that happens sometimes.
Not being able to turn to Google or doctors for an answer forced me to truly trust God and know that He was in control. I quickly realized how easy it is to trust Him when everything is going as planned. But, how hard it is to trust Him when the very thing you were trusting Him for was being taken away.
I really struggled with this at first, until I realized that I am not called to trust Him just when everything is going my way, but rather I am called to trust Him always. He has a plan for our lives and it is good, we must trust that.
3. How to Have Patience
This is a hard thing to learn in our fast-paced world and it applies to so many areas of our life. We often need to have patience and allow for things to happen in God’s timing.
It seemed like my miscarriage drug on forever and there was no end in sight. All I wanted to do was to get to a place where we could try to conceive again, and I could put the whole thing behind me, but it took some time for us to get to that point and I really had to work on having patience.
Patience is truly a virtue, meaning it is not easy to come by. We all want what we want now, but oftentimes God wants us to have a little patience and trust Him for things to happen in His timing.
4. Suffering is in The Bible
As I do with most things I wanted an answer for why this was happening to me. I wanted to reason and figure out what I had done to deserve this punishment, but I realized I wasn’t being punished it was simply a trial I was facing in this life. We all face them and it’s in those moments that we need to lean into Jesus and know that He has a plan and He is going to work all things together for our good.
Are you suffering through a miscarriage? I’d love to pray for you and support you through this challenging time. Please reach out to me at email@example.com If you simply want prayer just make the subject Prayer and I will pray for you no questions asked.
I know how challenging this time can be and how hard it can be to reach out to others. Remember that God is with you, and He has a plan for your situation. Lean into Him.
P.S. God has now blessed me with an amazing little girl. She is literally the light of our lives. I am believing with you today that He will do the same for you. But remember, whatever your outcome is, God will use your struggle and turn it into good! HE is with you and has a plan for your unique situation!